The Essence of Sacrifice
by Jag-Fel
Summary: Everyone dies. Not everyone gets to die a Hero. Cameron Mitchell makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the ones he loves. Character death. AU. Some CamCarolyn.


The Essence of Sacrifice

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_Everyone dies. Not everyone gets to die a Hero. Cameron Mitchell always considered himself expendable; at least in relation to the rest of his team. He knew that, if it were ever to come to it, that he'd sacrifice himself to ensure Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and even Vala, could enjoy another day. Well, one day, that very situation presented itself._

_This came to me, rather forcibly, after a night of a little too much birthday Amaretto, definitely too much sad instrumental mp3s, and a long conversation with my friend Cara about outlooks on life and love. Cam always struck me as the quintessential 'hero' type, therefore it wouldn't surprise me one bit if he'd ever found himself in this situation and had acted accordingly. I've also never written a character death piece before and wanted to challenge myself._

_This fits somewhere in the Jagverse (my little universe, along with my other fics), though I consider it AU because I wouldn't kill Cam off under normal circumstances. You'll notice some parallels with Ghost of You and Me here, though you needn't read that to appreciate this as a stand-alone story._

_Disclaimer: Stargate and its characters do not belong to me. I'm just playing in the Cosmic Sandbox here._

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"Move, move, move!" Cameron Mitchell shouted, urging the other members of his team forward. The Stargate was just over the next ridge, he knew. He was covering the retreat, giving Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c the opportunity to withdraw quickly. Another enemy had taken offence to SG-1's presence on their world. Another enemy had funneled their entire civilization into preventing the team's escape, even as SG-1 ran for their lives.

Cameron ducked behind a tree to return fire on their foe as Sam began dialing their way home. With his peripheral vision, he saw the other angry mob taking up positions to flank his friends. He jumped to his feet quickly, drawing their fire. Unfortunately, he drew their fire far too well, and took several blasts from their primitive percussion weapons in the torso. Cam fell to the ground flailing, knowing with absolute certainty that this would be his last mission, but realizing with absolute clarity the necessity of SG-1's survival.

"Colonel Mitchell!" Teal'c's voice rumbled in his ears despite the ringing in his brain from the wounding. Teal'c attempted to advance on his fallen comrade's position, but Mitchell was laying in the open, sprays of fire scuffing up dirt in the surrounding area, and Teal'c himself was pinned down by the flankers.

SG-1 had acquired some very important devices that day, Cam knew, watching Daniel struggle underneath the load he carried, as he and Sam glanced back to the fallen lieutenant colonel. Their lips were screaming, eyes wide, but Cameron couldn't hear a word. Sam was trying to run for him, but Daniel was holding her back. Another stray ricochet struck Cameron's thigh, filling the air with the acrid smell of burning flesh. By now, Cam felt no pain. He knew he was dying. His body had gone into shock, and even if she was here, even Carolyn couldn't have saved him.

_Oh Carolyn,_ he thought. _Don't hate me for this_.

Cam clawed at the ground so he could climb to his feet. With his right hand, he reached for the radio kept in the upper-left pocket of his tactical vest. With his left, he retrieved an incendiary grenade from one of the grenade pouches. The enemy was almost upon him, only a few seconds left before the decision to act was taken from him.

"Leave without me," Cam ordered into the small microphone. "Send Carolyn my love."

Without a word, Cam switched the radio device off, and faced the oncoming mob. He thumbed the grenade's activation ring, releasing the only safeguard left on the explosive. He dropped the clip and mentally counted, waiting for the explosion.

_One... I'm gonna miss you guys._

_Two... I'm sorry, Mom and Dad._

_Three... Ah, dammit, get it over with already._

A moment later, there was nothing.

0

A profound feeling of detachment came over him. Cameron, separated from the physical realm as he was, scanned the room for faces he recognized. In the front row sat Sam, General O'Neill, Daniel, Teal'c and Vala, along with Master Sergeant Walter Harriman, General Landry, and Doctor Carolyn Lam. Carolyn's hair was down; she had worn black slacks and a matching blouse. The same blouse she had worn on their first date, her favorite. She looked so beautiful...

Cam and Carolyn had been dating for some time now. After the 'alternate dimension' incident, as Cameron considered it, he had finally stomached his pride and fear, ignoring the harsh taste they must have made going down, and had asked her out. They'd done dinner at Cam's favorite Italian restaurant, and afterward they'd gone for a walk in the neighborhood near her apartment. Walking through the nearby park, Cam had reached out for her hand, and his stomach fluttered when she'd accepted the gesture and flashed him a soft smile. After that, after a fantastic evening, he'd walked Carolyn to the door, and said goodnight after their first kiss.

Their lips had met many times since that occasion, but none stuck out so prevalent as their first. As he recalled the events surrounding their first few dates, Cam felt a soft wetness on his cheek. He reached up and brushed the tear away, realizing with apparent certainty and clarity that even the dead could feel loss. He watched Sam as she assumed the podium and looked across the assembled room. Her soft features were marred by puffy redness and haunted grief.

"Cameron Mitchell was a hero, a good man," she began clearly, without a hitch in her voice. "One of the best the SGC has ever seen. He was also strong, stronger than he'd ever realize or admit. I don't imagine he ever _wanted_ to be a hero, but he certainly became one. Despite having nearly lost the ability to walk after the Battle of Antarctica, and knowing fully the risks, he had _requested_ a position within SG-1," Sam glanced around the room to let her first few words sink in. Cam walked down the isle while she spoke, taking a seat between Generals O'Neill and Landry, and sitting cross-legged on the floor.

He tried to ignore the trace of a tear that trailed down her cheek, but she continued the eulogy. "No one more than Cam himself knew how hard it would be to fill the space left by Jack O'Neill after SG-1 was broken up, but Cam fought hard to bring the team back together... and we're all better for it," she tried to say more, but the tears were coming with full force. Daniel quickly rose and hopped off to escort her down the ramp before taking the podium himself.

For a long time Daniel just stared at podium. He hadn't made notes on what he wanted to say; it didn't seem appropriate to break down the actions of a hero into letters on a piece of paper. "People always used to say that Mitc – Cameron and I looked alike. I never took them serious. He was a lot of things: some he'd admit, some maybe not. Other he'd be proud of, some he'd probably like to hide. That's what made him human, like the rest of us. But something set him out, above all else," Daniel hung his head for a moment, staring at the fine wood of the podium. "Sacrifice is defined as the forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of something considered to have a greater value or claim. That's Cam to a flaw."

Throughout Daniel's little speech, Cam couldn't help but feel that maybe he'd underestimated his value to the team. He'd been so worried about screwing up, about earning their trust, respect, and friendship that he'd never stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe... he'd had it all along. Watching Daniel as he was, Cam wondered if that wasn't just the case. Cam hung his head, seeing the cold concrete floor of the Gate room and how his jeans clung to his legs as he sat.

"He always considered himself expendable," Daniel continued, jerking Cam's head up, "like he was somehow less valuable than the rest of the team. I don't know if I should admit this, but I remember overhearing a conversation he'd shared with Doctor Lam," Daniel looked significantly at the female doctor who had been Cameron's crush, love, and later girlfriend. "After being injured on another off-world mission, he'd ordered to bed rest. Carolyn had asked him why he was always coming home hurt, why he was always injured more than the rest of SG-1. Cam replied, 'Sam's a physics whiz, Jackson's our ancient stuff guy, and Teal'c is a Jaffa warrior. They all have important, irreplaceable jobs. I'm just there to bring them home alive and well'.

"I never thought about it at the time, and even though I wish he was here now, I consider myself the luckiest man in the universe to have had such a good friend. Cam Mitchell didn't die because he valued something more than his own life; he died because he was giving his friends the chance to live theirs." Daniel walked off the Stargate ramp and passed Teal'c on the way. The bigger Jaffa warrior clasped Daniel on the shoulder, offering him a nod of encouragement.

As Teal'c took the podium, Cameron finished drying his 'ghost tears'. The big man firmly grasped the wooden podium on each side with his monster arms, surveying his audience with a contemplative expression. "Colonel Mitchell was a warrior, as fierce as any Jaffa. Though I bested him in nearly all of our sparring, I saw the warrior spirit in him," Teal'c admitted solemnly. "In him I found a friend and comrade, without him I find the universe a darker place. I shall miss him." A man of few words, Teal'c stepped off the podium and returned to his seat. General Landry stood then, releasing his daughter's hand. Cam leapt out of the way so that Landry would not step on him, but soon realized that he wasn't on the mortal plain of existence anymore. This was... the afterlife, he guessed.

"Cameron Mitchell was one of the best and brightest men I've ever had the pleasure – and honor – of serving with. He was a brilliant team leader for SG-1 and a true benefit to the entire SGC," Landry added. "I was equally honored when Mitchell and my daughter started dating. It was a nice change to see the two of them so happy," he glanced at his daughter, feeling his own eyes well up at the sight of Carolyn's tears. She was overwhelmed by both the loss of Cameron and the sentimental memories and words that had been shared. "In his loss, we lost a sterling example of an officer in the United States Air Force and Stargate Command, but we also lost a comrade, a friend, a brother... a son."

General Landry stepped aside and faced the event horizon of the Stargate. The assembled ranks rose to join him. Landry came to attention and offered the Gate a salute, knowing Mitchell's remains could not have been retrieved. The other members of the military present mirrored the salute as the gate deactivated, symbolizing the end of Cameron Mitchell's last Stargate mission. Cameron dropped himself into the seat where the general had been only a few minutes before. He sat beside Carolyn, the love of his life, and pretended that, just for a moment, he was back on Earth and could hold her again. Cam touched her soft cheek, feeling her warmth from memory, even though he felt nothing now.

"I love you, Carolyn," he whispered, ignoring the tears that freely fell now. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't make it home this time, that I never had the chance to ask you to... to marry me."

As if she could hear him, Carolyn lifted the burgundy velvet box from her pocket. The jewelry box had been retrieved from Cam's quarters after he had been announced dead, and Samantha had given it to Carolyn knowing that Cam had intended to propose after returning from this mission. Carolyn opened it and retrieved the ring. A white gold band was decorated with engraved floral patterns, a pair of small diamonds completing the jewelry. Cam watched as she turned the ring over and over in her hands. The underside of the band read _Cam and Carolyn Forever_. A lone tear fell from her eye and landed squarely on the ring, right where the three diamonds joined the band.

She looked so beautiful...

With deliberate single-mindedness, Carolyn slid the ring onto the third finger of her left hand. "Forever, Cam," she whispered. He had always told her that he would love her forever.

As he watched her sit alone, after the room had cleared of all mourners except for the close-knit cluster of SG-1 near the Stargate itself, Cam put a hand on her shoulder and brushed an ethereal kiss against her cheek.

"Forever, Carolyn. Goodbye."

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Thank you for reading. I'm sorry if I upset anyone in a bad way, I just felt this was a poetic way to honor the character. Don't worry, I've begun writing the "Cam Hurt" story I've been promising and it should be up in the next few days. Please review with any comments or constructive criticism, as this was my first character death piece, tackling some new character emotions. 


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